Broken

Update: Jay and I found out this morning that our offer has been accepted on a house! Our God is so Amazing!

As I sit here in our small two bedroom rented house I am overcome with thankfulness. I am thankful for an Amazing God that cares enough for me to show me the hurt of others. Jay and I are on a fantastic journey coming to a turning point in our lives. I will be graduating May 15th, we are trying to buy a house, we are starting to think about having another baby. All of this change has brought me to my knees with God just praying for him to show me what he wants from me. I want the next part of my life to be lived for Him. I will be the first to admit that it has not always been that with me. I have sinned countless times against Him. I have questioned what he is doing in my life. I have even blamed him for any bad thing that was happening in our life. But I have never just leaned on him and said "Please, just show me."

So now I am praying like never before and He has just broken me. I feel His love, His compassion, His ability to just calm me. I know He has been here through our entire journey and I have never questioned His presence. But I guarantee He has questioned mine.

Now what? What am I going to do with this brokenness? I don't know yet. I know I want to praise him in all things. This house that we are praying for I want Him to be seen throughout it. The child we are raising now I want her to see Him through me. I want to share my love for God with other people. I want to share the wealth that He has given us. I want to stop being so selfish with our money. I don't know what the future holds but I don't want to look back and think we really should have leaned more on God during all that. Trust me there are times in my life where I already think that and I don't want those times to become more prevalent than the times I look back and say "Wow God really knew what he was doing with that situations."

Well, I leave now to enjoy this beautiful day with my wonderful family. I hope your weekend is relaxing as well!

Penny for My Thoughts?

OK well you don't actually have to give me a penny for my thoughts. I will just give you my thoughts for free!

Lets just start out with how crappy of a day this started out being. Well in all honesty it started out good. Got up on time, took a nice shower, fixed my hair and make up, left the house on time...Or so I thought. Yes this morning I had a test. Most of our test start at 9am and this one, I thought, was no different...Until I got to school at 8:30. I get to school thinking I'm early, text one of my friends. Who does not answer. So I call...still no answer. OK I think her phone is just on silent. Call another friend...NO ANSWER. Decide well I'll just go to the floor where the test is going to be. Usually test day there is a crowed of people waiting in the hall today NOBODY!!! So a panic comes over me. I start to think maybe I'm in the wrong place or even worse I am LATE. Well the latter of the 2 options was the actual reason. So I pull out my phone and look at our schedule and it says the test started at 8. So at this point I am really FREAKING. I get to the room where the test is at see the teacher and ask if I can still come in? At this point I am just shaking and in tears I was so scared they were not going to let me take this test. Well nobody had left yet. THANK YOU FELLOW CLASSMATES!!!! Therefore I got to go in and take my test. Still upset and trying to pull myself together but none the less I was going to take this test. I ended up making an 87% which was just fine with me but I think this was one of the most anxiety inducing moments of my life! Oh this test was supposed to be last week at 9am but due to snow they changed it to this week. UGH. Oh well it is over and done with. Only 86 more days (but whose counting).

Another thoughts....
I LOVE my husband so much. He is an amazing man. He has his times of temper tantrums (really who doesn't) but he is so supportive and encouraging to me. I just adore him.

I love Jayci being 4-years-old. It is absolutely FABULOUS! I can't explain it. It was like everyday I wished she were a little older but now I just want her to stay this age. I know as babies it is so cute and fun to watch them explore but it is hard (at least for me it was). It is hard because they can't communicate very well, they cry for everything, they are into everything, and many other reasons. As toddlers it seems they become whiny and are just testing boundaries constantly! Oh this drives me crazier than anything. Even at 3 Jayci's boundary testing would drive me up the wall. I used to say "A 2-year-old will make you want to run away but a 3-year-old will make you want to send them away." It's like when they are 2 you just feel like you are not doing anything right and at 3 sometimes you just want them to go away and to understand. Now I know Jayci has only been 4 for like a month so the change has probably been gradual but I like it either way. She is much more obedient. A lot less whiny. And I just love watching her intelligence grow. Don't get me wrong she has her days but for the most part it's like we are finally getting it. I don't know if it is her getting older or me just finally "getting" this whole parenting thing down a little better. Maybe it is both but whatever it is it is working out for us.

OK I think those are the only thoughts I have for now. My tummy is growling so I can't think of any other ones! Hope everyone has a great weekend. Mine is filled with working and studying. Oh and a birthday party (that I will probably take my books to so I can study there as well). Oh well 86 more days!

It's been a minute....

Yes, so it has been a minute since I have updated my blog. It has just been so busy this semester that I feel so overwhelmed. However, late Sunday night it started to sleet/snow and didn't stop until Monday afternoon. That just does not happen here in Arkansas. We got like 4-5 inches at our house. Which is just complete craziness for central Arkansas. So I thought I would share some pictures of our two snow days that we have had here. Oh yes everything shuts down when it even snows like 1/2 an inch here so we have been at out of school for 2 days now.

All that being said I thought I would update with some photos collages....

We had a Princess Tea Party for Jayci's 4th birthday.

I think everyone had a really good time. I know Jayci had a blast. I would recommend Parties Ect. in Bryant to anyone that asked. It was so easy. All we had to do was show up and take pictures. This is only some of the like close to 300 that I took that day. No I'm not obsessive about photos at all...

The birthday was in late January so that tells you how long it has been since I've updated about our family.

From then until this week I haven't taken any pictures so here are some from our 2 days of being at home because of the snow...

After Jay came home from work on Monday we went out to his dad's house to ride 4-wheelers and just hang out for a little bit.

The heart shaped picture is Jay & I, of course. We are about to leave. I was still warm, DRY, and cozy at this time. The left bottom is Jay going up a pretty steep hill. The bottom right is Jay's dad, Dennis. The water right there does not look that deep but right behind him, where he came from, came up over his head lights. I DID NOT venture into this.

The top right picture is ME! I will be the first to admit I am pretty girly but I really enjoyed going riding this day. It had started raining at this time but I tried to be tough and just stick it out. I think I did a pretty good job. The mud that I was driving through right there was not at all the deepest water I went in but I made Jay stop and take a picture of me driving. I know silly but Whatever! I think I made my husband proud because I didn't argue and trusted him while I was driving. If he said I could make it through I tried. Well all except the very big water you see behind Dennis. That was a little too much for me! Plus I'm always nervous of messing up Dennis's stuff.

On our second day of being snowed in we went outside and attempted to build a snowman. Well all the snow had frozen over night so it was pretty hard. But as you can tell from the pictures we had a pretty good time. I just love watching Jay playing with Jayci. She thought she was so funny throwing "snow balls" at him. It was a great time!
I hope everyone has a Fabulous rest of the week. I am going to go finish up some vegetable beef soup and make some corn bread to go with it. YUMMY!!! OH and watch American Idol...Can't wait to see Ellen on there. I just think she is so fun!

Challenge Day 3

Well to start I will recap how Thursday went. My husband was out of town for work last night. Therefore, I could not really greet him at the door with a hug. Instead I sent him text messages and facebook messages letting him know how much I missed him. Hopefully it worked...Hard to tell just over the phone.

So onto today's challenge:
Lesson #3 - Tonight make his favorite meal or dessert. (Or both!) Proverbs 31:15 says, "She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls".
You are making deposits into your marriage. During this two week period be prepared for your husband to do something unloving. You have greeted him, hugged him, & made his favorite meal, but later he yells at you for moving his keys. Ignore it. Don't throw your hands up saying, "Respecting you doesn't work. You are as unloving as ever." You are fasting from complaining for two weeks. Lower your expectations. You can't expect him to change in every area of his life because you did three nice things. Do this for God & not for your husband. God commands you to do this.

I invite you to take this one step further. As I sit here & type this I realize that I am guilty of something that I could do a little better. I am sitting in sweatpants, a tee shirt, no makeup, & messy hair. We would never have been seen this when we were dating. Thank God our husbands still think that we are beautiful when we are a mess. However, from time to time we should put a little extra effort into looking our best for him. I am going to be doing this challenge & all of the others along with you because I need to work on my marriage at the same time. I need to continue to strive to be the very best wife that I can be. I invite you to not only make his favorite meal or dessert but to also take a shower, put on a little makeup, set the table nice, & show him that you have gone out of your way to make him feel special.

As for today it has been very challenging to me. I woke up and did not feel real well, sore throat, sneezing, all that good stuff. Then on top of that we have had some winter weather here in Arkansas. Normally on Fridays I am out of school and will take Jayci to preschool and come home do schoolwork and clean up. Well today was a different story. Schools were closed so that meant Jayci was home with me. Which was wonderful, however; not feeling well and it being icy outside made me just want to stay in my pajamas all day. Honestly, I did get out of my pajamas but only to put on some yoga pants and a semi-cute t-shirt. I know I know...I should have gotten dressed but anyway....I did make dinner. I made a very good chicken spaghetti. Not like normal chicken spaghetti but like breaded chicken breast, a marinara sauce, and bow-tie pasta. Trust me it is yummy! My husband loves it and we hadn't had it in a while so I decided to make it. Well, here comes another challenge. 1) Roads are icy 2) we didn't have all the stuff to make the for mentioned chicken spaghetti. Well I was not going to get myself and our daughter out on the dangerous roads so I called my husband and asked him to pick up just a few items that we needed.

All in all I hope that he enjoyed the dinner. I really feel like he did but it's hard to tell when I am feeling like poo and just want to be taken care of. Oh I did do the dishes that were in the sink. I know that doesn't sound like a big deal but I absolutely LOATH doing dishes. We don't have a dishwasher and I really just hate it so my husband does them 99% of the time.

I will say that we could have gotten on the "Cycle" several times tonight. Jay was tired from being out of town and not sleeping well last night; I was tired and not feeling well. Those two things usually just don't mix. However, I really practiced just speaking in a nice calm voice and not letting little things get to me. I am praying that God keeps leading me in a new way. I want to do this challenge in a Godly way not just a "good wife/human" way.

Day 2 of 14

OK so I have already posted how my challenge went yesterday. It felt great to just connect a little differently. Even last night, as we were crawling into bed, Jay told me how much he enjoyed me getting up and greeting him when he got home.

Challenge Day 2:
Lesson #2 - Greet your husband & give him a hug. Let him know again that you missed him or were thinking about him today. Again, this is secondary to what you are really feeling. Just do it. If he says something like, "Wow, two days in a row. Do you want money or something"? Ignore it. He is saying this to you because he is noticing your actions & they feel good to him. What may feel like sarcasm to you is playful bantering to him. After you hug him, leave the room. Don't allow for a conversation about your new behavior. This isn't a game, we are just trying to avoid getting into a discussion of unresolved issues that you are not equipped to handle just yet.

OK well this challenge may be a little harder seeing as my husband is out of town for work. I will try to think of something though to make him feel special and that I appreciate him and all of his hard work.

Also, if you are just reading my blog please click on the Women's Ministry button on the left side of the screen to find out what challenge I am exactly talking about. I hope you join in. I think it is going to be a really good kind of challenge overall!

14 Day "Love & Respect" Challenge

I have started following this Women's Marriage Ministry Blog. I am really really enjoying reading it. It just gives me a way to read how another woman struggles in her marriage, life, kids, and her daily walk with God.

I have recently blogged about mine and my husband's relationship and how we have struggled through these last few years of Nursing School. If I'm really being honest we have been married 4 years and have had struggles through out. I feel like we are really doing a lot better in our communication skills and relationship overall than we ever did in the beginning of out marriage. However, there is just still something missing. I know a lot of it is me. I know I need to change in some of my ways. My husband is fabulous, yes of course I could point out several faults, but I'm not going to do that. This challenge is about me and my relationship with my husband and working my hardest to be a Godly Wife. So here is the challenge:

Lesson #1 - Tonight or tomorrow when your spouse comes home, greet them at the door. Don't yell from another room. Physically meet them at the door. Let them know that you missed them today. (even if you didn't) I have started doing this with Adam & he absolutely loves it. Honestly, so do I. I feel much more special when I feel that everyone is happy to see me. If this is not possible to do it this way due to your schedules, then be sure to make him feel like you missed him & you are happy to see him when you are face to face.

I accomplished this task today. My husband was surprised needless to say. His exact quote was, "What was that for?" My response, "Just because I love you." When I first read the challenge for today I was like ugh I really do not want to do that. Not because I don't love my husband but because I felt kind of silly. After it was done I felt really good. It made me feel really connected to him. I know he enjoys giving me a kiss and telling me hello when he gets home but it is just not that important to me. This made me really tap into something that is important to him. In the end I didn't feel silly at all. In fact, I felt so happy to know that I was doing something that would show him how much I appreciate him.

Now just to keep going with this and add other tasks on top of it!

Happy Birthday Jayci

Jayci,

As your 4th birthday comes to an end I sit thinking about all the wonderful things you bring to my life. You bring Joy, Love, Smiles, Purity, and so many other emotions I will never be able to describe. It is funny how many emotions I have had today. I am feeling so happy and blessed that God choose your daddy and me to be your parents. I am also feeling so sad that you are already 4-years-old. Which you have reminded us of several times today!

So what are you up to as you turn 4....

You love playing dress-up and palace. You make your daddy come and play with you as soon as he gets home every day. You enjoy turning on music or sometimes Daddy just sings to you and you guys dance. You like to help in anyway you can; as long as it is fun for you of course. You like to help do dishes and cook dinner. You are always doing or saying something to make your Daddy and I laugh. In fact the other day you told me your friends and teachers were very impressed that you could snap your fingers. You also told me it is impressive for you to be able to do that. Who knew you even knew the word impress?!? Oh one of my favorite thing that you are doing is trying to speak Spanish. I'm not sure that you get the concept that it is a complete different language but you like to say, "Gracious" and try to count to 10. You really do a good job! You are also learning you letters and the sounds that they make. You can write your name! Also I wrote the word "Mommy" the other day and your recognized what it said! I was so excited!!! We are working on teaching you how to read so maybe by your next birthday you will be reading!

Jayci I cannot believe you are growing up sooo fast. It feels like just yesterday I was a confused, scared, excited, new mommy to a precious baby girl. Now I am still all of those things it is just to a 4-year-old big Girl!

I love you, Jayci Leigh Bradley! I am so blessed to be your Mommy.

Love, Mommy